for once in a while, I feel like I am living life like a loser. dare not to chase the dreams or things that I want.God I feel pathetic. what I have in mind is that my early 20 twenties would be bliss, having such wonderful friends and awesome time.and yet here I am again. I'm not saying that I hate my friends now but, it's a bit different than what I imagined. today, I took so much staring at the lesson plan book, looking back on what I have done and thinking that how far that I've come.
halfheartedly.
I sighed so many times. almost shed a tear. Idk why I'm like this.I know I shouldn't be looking back and repeat the memories of the past.and the worst part, I kept thinking, if I weren't here, what did I do now? in this moment?
probably running errands, take photos, write what I think about the pictures. or perhaps, travel across the country, as a journalist?
I still couldn't believe that I will be one of the person who thinks about what is the next lesson for my class, writing a lesson, consult every teachers in the school, dealing with kids, what should I do next in the next lesson, what should I prepare, etc.
honestly, I am having a hard time now.the more I think about it, the more sucks it would be. and the more I despise myself for doing things that I'm not passionate about. seriously it sucks.
I mean, what's the point of chasing big cash if you're dealing with things that you do not happy doing it?
-to be continued
No comments:
Post a Comment