If I were a
novelist, I probably had written more than 20 books this year. But sadly, I’m
not up to that level tho. I’m still struggling finding the right words to spill
in. so, how’s life so far? Work life? Monotonous. I miss my study year. Full of
challenges, bitter and sweet. But I’m glad that I never look back with regrets.
Alhamdulillah I enjoyed almost every moment I spent there. And there goes my
youth and welcome to an adultery life, Plain and monotonous. Life’s totally
different and changing. From a worry-life into thinking of other people’s life.
My students’ life to be exact. I probably should say that I learn a lot about a
life lesson more than my students, cause I observed them in each every lesson
that I taught. Through discussions, questions and answers, converse with them.
Life is hard you know? Pouring them knowledge is another thing, but other
perspectives? are difficult. Learning from kids who came from fragile, broken,
low class families really gave me a hard time. how life could be this
difficult? My initial goal when I first came to school is to make sure that
they would understand English, know how to speak English and know how to spell
in English. But now, when taking glances back at their backgrounds just keep me
thinking, as long as you be kind, respect others, that should do it. I modify
their behaviour more rather than teaching English and I gotta tell you this,
honestly, I don’t want my students growing up and carry intelligent minds with
shitty attitudes.
Spending a life
as a worker or as a middle-class worker to be exact is like eating a plain
bread. You are given some jams like strawberry, Nutella or whatsoever but, if
you tried to be creative or different, people would put you into spotlight or
rather take away your bread. And all you have left is the empty hands. And for
the records, in 2-3 years forwards, I’m gonna buy my own freaking bread and
jam. Just watch me.
*************************************************
oddly placed
I need a new
routine.
Anything.
Anything that
can help me to escape from this cocoon for a while. I want to revise back all
the courses that I’d learned in maktab such as linguistics, phonetics and
phonology, language assessment, language study, anything. I feel like my
thinking level has dropped. Because you see, I’m teaching phase 1 students and
there’s not much of a challenge in a sense of thinking like sharpening my own
understanding and it’s pretty basic. I’m not saying I’m superb in English
Language but it’s happening. Last weekend, when I replaced my mentor’s class
for year 6 class, my understanding has gone rustic. I couldn’t explain much to
the students about the certain answers. I mean, why we have to choose that
answers, what’s the reason? When I was explaining to them, I’m having a
self-doubt as well and as a language teacher, it isn’t good to be in such
condition. The condition where you are even not sure yourself about the answers
you’ve given. Damn, it’s happening. It’s really happening. I want to be able to
explain the certain rules again just like we did at maktab. When people ask you
why you need to add +ing after is or are, I want to be able to answer it with a valid reason. Either
your call it as a gerund or whatsoever but the kind valid answers at least.
It’s falling
apart isn’t it?
And which is why
I decided to download exam questions just to find a challenge for myself as
well as sharpening the skill again. I’m a language teacher after all. An
English Language Teacher. What’s the point of calling yourself a language
teacher if you were not able to give a reason why..
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