Early this year,
when he came to me I thought the world has speeding too fast. But now and then,
I’m not even sure anymore. I think it just me. I let my world falling apart
broken into thousand pieces. It’s hard to stay strong. It’s difficult to stay committed.
My heart wasn’t there in a first place, He made it happened. I was so sure that I met my own happiness. I was so sure, I imagined that I carrying my life with my future kids, future family as I go along. I imagined of my dream house, imagined that I'll be cooking dinner for my husband when he reached home at five o'clock.
so what the hell just happened?
It fell apart. I broke down into tears. I was feeling so so stressful and depressed. I couldn't even got out of the bed this morning. He didn't know what he wanted which makes things even more complicated. I couldn't hold on to something that ambiguous full with uncertainty. where should I hold on to? I decided to let all things happened this year to stay this year. I didn't want to tag the memories along anymore. it's funny. Thinking that I won't ended up alone this year but came along this year, a guy who gives me flowers along with an empty hope. It's funny how easy men can give their hearts to anybody. and they won't regret it. They won't remember it either. it hurts, it frustrating. I've been thinking for quite a long time. I couldn't keep up, I wanted to stop. I want to keep continue on what I do. I was wasting my time waiting for him to ask for my hand but it didn't happen so,
I want to revive.
I want to go to a beach trip next week with my niece and nephews, going for a food hunting(teh hijau banjir and dim sum) and lead a healthy life --jogging (thing I always miss to do). I'm gonna buy a roller blade and buy a small sony mp3 player (which always been on my wishlist since forever) and of course, gonna buy a lot more books. I'm gonna continue my study next year together with my friends,go on a travel trip, continue my swimming class, I miss jungle trekking and camping. I want to do that again.
but of course I felt terrible. I couldn't live up my life. I kept thinking about this guy. but the thing is, of what I wanna tell myself and you, that you just gotta keep on, carry on, keep walking and let it go. No other option. You have options yes, it's either happiness or bitterness. I chose both. I let the bitterness came flooding in but I wanted to be happy as well. I'm not gonna cry over a guy for the whole month and having a terrible mourning in my bedroom. Life is out there for me. The green mountain, the fresh lush and green forest, the clear blue skies or even rain, ancient and rustic building waiting to be captured, white sandy beaches and sparkly ocean water, the festivals, the expos, the music, the movies. They're waiting for me. it happened then it happened. I believe my fate never tie to anyone and you should know that.. might as well you just pack up all your junk food and a tub of ice-cream, sit in front of your laptop and watch comedy tv series and laugh away.
you tried and you failed, you tried then you failed again but what's more to that is at least you tried. but still, thanks to people who always keep me moving, motivated and prove that life is worth living for.
most of all, you have Allah, you have your Iman. what's there need to be worry about?
It fell apart. I broke down into tears. I was feeling so so stressful and depressed. I couldn't even got out of the bed this morning. He didn't know what he wanted which makes things even more complicated. I couldn't hold on to something that ambiguous full with uncertainty. where should I hold on to? I decided to let all things happened this year to stay this year. I didn't want to tag the memories along anymore. it's funny. Thinking that I won't ended up alone this year but came along this year, a guy who gives me flowers along with an empty hope. It's funny how easy men can give their hearts to anybody. and they won't regret it. They won't remember it either. it hurts, it frustrating. I've been thinking for quite a long time. I couldn't keep up, I wanted to stop. I want to keep continue on what I do. I was wasting my time waiting for him to ask for my hand but it didn't happen so,
I want to revive.
I want to go to a beach trip next week with my niece and nephews, going for a food hunting(teh hijau banjir and dim sum) and lead a healthy life --jogging (thing I always miss to do). I'm gonna buy a roller blade and buy a small sony mp3 player (which always been on my wishlist since forever) and of course, gonna buy a lot more books. I'm gonna continue my study next year together with my friends,go on a travel trip, continue my swimming class, I miss jungle trekking and camping. I want to do that again.
but of course I felt terrible. I couldn't live up my life. I kept thinking about this guy. but the thing is, of what I wanna tell myself and you, that you just gotta keep on, carry on, keep walking and let it go. No other option. You have options yes, it's either happiness or bitterness. I chose both. I let the bitterness came flooding in but I wanted to be happy as well. I'm not gonna cry over a guy for the whole month and having a terrible mourning in my bedroom. Life is out there for me. The green mountain, the fresh lush and green forest, the clear blue skies or even rain, ancient and rustic building waiting to be captured, white sandy beaches and sparkly ocean water, the festivals, the expos, the music, the movies. They're waiting for me. it happened then it happened. I believe my fate never tie to anyone and you should know that.. might as well you just pack up all your junk food and a tub of ice-cream, sit in front of your laptop and watch comedy tv series and laugh away.
you tried and you failed, you tried then you failed again but what's more to that is at least you tried. but still, thanks to people who always keep me moving, motivated and prove that life is worth living for.
most of all, you have Allah, you have your Iman. what's there need to be worry about?
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