Reverse gear

What I really want right now is to be alone. not to have any feelings for anybody. Not attach to anyone. No attachment. I’m not sure whether I’ve had enjoy my moment of being single. Because there’s a lot of thing I wanna do or experience of being alone. but at the same I feel glad cause I have somebody that look after me. to tell that I’m fine but, I want that one moment to be repeated. It all came through in my head. What doesn’t feel like to be single again? To do not have any attachment with anyone. Life is a bliss. Back then, I had no regrets. But how far that I’ve enjoyed it, I couldn’t answer. Because at the same time of being alone, sadden me. like I want to share some of my feelings but I’m not ready to pour it all out. Yesterday was a downfall for me. I didn’t know what I wanted. I just shut off my phone and I wanted to be silent. I think I miss those moments. To wake up feeling fine and without checking my phone. Enjoy my morning coffee and breakfast. To think what I’m up to do next during weekend. The time of being single is probably the best time of my life. Cause once you have someone else to want to have you, to like you. you have to give and take. You have to be aware to that feeling. It’s just not a toy.  Cause you can’t go back and repeat. There’s no reverse gear on this. I had my downfall.

There’s not mean that I just want him to go away but sometimes you know, you have to figure yourself out.

Then maybe, I’ve got my hands full or just maybe, I’m still adjusting, to get used of this feeling. I’m shifting to another phase and it’s a really really big deal for a ‘single for too long’, like me. it feels so surreal. To have someone else to have a mutual feeling with you. it feels different. In a good way I guess. Then maybe, I just feel shocked or surprised (or maybe nervous) that this is finally happening..that it makes me to fall right back where it started. To detect what I’d missed. what has had happening.

It just happens.

Allah promise is true. Once it happens, you couldn’t push a stop or restart button. It will happen. You, are the only one, who has to be patient..