the confession of a broken heart~~

I always think about myself. Do I have talent? What kind of talent that I have? Why I see everyone has a talent and I want to know what my talent is. I’m confuse..i….uuughhh..how I want to say in words….I don’t know. I’m lost…I’m totally lost..where should I put myself into? When I try my best but I don’t succeed and when I feel so tired, but I cant sleep. When I’m feeling sad, I will cry. Sometimes, I get what I want, but not what I need~~well, this is a confession of a broken heart you see…but I don’t know how to describe it. Feeling like being stab by a big knife through your stomach, a huge brick that fall on your face. I don’t wanna feel this stupid feeling alone, I wanna share with my beloved cousin. I wish she’s beside me now~~ I need her. Do you think I deserve to be an English teacher? I have been questioning myself since I came here..i still cant find the best answer. You can say I have a huge broken in English but, I don’t really even care right now. Cause I know some of the people are like to critics! Critics! Critics! And critics! And someday they will end up with NOTHING! Zerooo~~~

Some people say if you have problems, you must put your smile in your face even though you know the world will fall apart. I dont wanna say that I didn’t try that, but how you want to put a smile in your face like the happiest person in the world while you’re the person who always cry and cry everytime you got an awful result in your exam? While everyone is laughing and smiling cause they got the best shot in their exam, Will you join them too?!! Join them to celebrate? What do you think? I need answer….an answer do I deserve this? I miss my family~~ T_T that is all I need…my mom. I wanna hug my mom..and also my father. He’s like a superman to me. I still remember before I took an SPM exam…I said to him:

Me: I don’t think that I can do it…

My dad: yes you can…if you’re not trying, how will you know?

Me: I don’t think I can because I’m not good enough.

My dad: can..you can..how come you say you cant if you don’t try

Can!can!can! that’s all the answer that always come out in his mouth. I was so boring to hear the same thing in his ‘motivation’. But, because of that can!can!can! , I manage to get through in the exam nicely. Alhamdulillah..i got 8As because of that can!can!can!..well, that WAS an SPM exam. Not mock exam…it’s totally huge different. Now, I’m having problem with my study…when people ask how’s my study I just said ok cause there is no point to elaborate it to much~~ ok! Honestly yes! I’m having problems with my study, I don’t know whether I can finish it strong. Am I gonna finish strong?