Ya Allah...Please DONT let me go astray...

I'm afraid.....i'm afraid that i do not realize that i have done so many mistake. because, i cannot find where do i go wrong. Please Ya Allah...dont let me go astray~~ before this, i got your guidance and You help me to succeed it.so, now this time, my faith starts to shaking again.. dont let me lost without Your guidance..

Before this, i've been test to let go of my beloved love..we had couple for 6-7 year...since from 1. but, we seldom met because we shy to talk with each other and plus with so many works to do. but, i loved him. After i came here...one of my senior invited me to take part in 'Lujnah' and i did not know what was that...well, never heard it before. i kinda doubted to take part because seriously, i was not interested at all. so, after listened from her more about Lujnah...i kept thinking and thinking whether i wanted to take part or not...then, i forgot it and refuse to participated. 

So, after a while...i came to Surau, someone pass the form related to Lujnah things. at that time, i did not think much and my heart just wanted to fill that form. so, i filled that form without any doubt. for about 3-4 weeks i guess, they started to make a new group for Lujnah. i did know that! i just wear my tudung sembahyang! it was pretty embarrassing actually but, like i care~~

in a blink of eyes, i'm the one of Lujnah now..and i'm sooo thankful for Allah s.w.t for giving me the right path to walk. but, at the first time i enter this kind of group, it was pretty awkward you see..because, i admit that i'm not really good in this kind of things..but, then i realized that my ketua Lujnah never discriminated me and she is soo kind with all of us. we can have a joke with each other now, and our ukhwah is so CLOSE! i realized that now after i become one of them, i've changed....i've changed in the way i talk, careful what i want to wear, and even more close to Nasyid songs! seriously, i hardly listen to nasyid songs before this.

in the past few months, my Lujnah made a Bicara Muslimat every Friday..the topic was 'Mutiara Cinta Hawa'..after i listened to that motivation, its kept bugging me and bugging me because when i enter this group, i still couple with my BF..and i was so guilty about that. because you know what why? i already know!and realized that couple is FORBIDDEN in Islam..and totally we will get a big sin in this case~ before this, there was already one topic about couple but, i just ignored it. then, still i felt guilty..its kept playing on my mind 'you are taking a big risk, couple is forbidden!couple is forbidden!' i never stopped thinking about that.

then, on Friday, 05-02-2010 at 12.30 p.m..in Surau, i did know how my heart was opened to let go of my BF. there something in my heart whispered to me and said 'what you do is right...Allah s.w.t will help you to get through on this...you can do this..' some of my friends supported me and said if i wanted to do this thing, there was no turning back. i almost want to cry plus with the song that was playing at this time. i felt like there someone was watching my sadness and truly i felt very close to Him, it was like He was beside me and giving the strength to me. because i tell you, it is not easy for a women to do this thing especially to a loves one.

Slowly i message him....all my body turned cold and waited for his reply. at first, he confused what had happened to me and he pretty angry about it. but, i slowly calmed him. for about 20 minutes, he messaged me back and said he accepted my decision. i was sooo thankful to Allah s.w.t because He made my plan more easier..after that, i did know why i felt my heart more calm and like a one achievement for me~ we are still message each other but not as always as before. we seldom message each other because he understand that i have lots of assignment to be done. i'm so grateful because he understand my situation..and he's always accept my thought. on his Birthday, i gave one book about 'friends or couple' to him..i want him to know that i break up with him with reason~

but, now! my faith starts to shake again........most of my friends have Bf except me. i feel a bit down. but, when i think back, i dont have to feel that way! because i got THE MOST LOVE about all...the only one i should love is ALLAH S.W.T....i want You to always take care of me so that i do not go the wrong way..help me Ya Allah...Amin~~