it's a love thing

I was making an instant noodle while he called me and reminded me not to be too fat. I mean, obviously I didn't listen to him. that's what it takes when you're still want to get friendly with your ex. let's be real, I had a boyfriend before when I decided not to continue our relationship for some reason. and I regret nothing. In the first place I felt sorry for him for shutting him just like that. he once called me more than ten times but I didn't pick up.my niece advice to call him and at least ask him how's life he's been. but this, is not what I want. I don't want involve into serious relationship before marriage, there were something other side things. I just don't like his personality and that's the truth. when it's not a true love, I don't think you can make a person attracted to you. and I don't. In fact, I felt so annoyed for some reasons. Somehow, I got this problems where a-guy-likes-me-but-I-don't and I-like-a-guy-but-he-doesn't-like-me kind of situation and I hated it. I don't hate him because he reminded me not to be to fat while I was boiling my instant noodle.that's just immature. but, I hate the fact that most of the guys would rather choose a petite slim beautiful stunning girl to be his another half. most importantly, they want the slim one. then, what about the chubby ones? what about girls whose just naturally being fact biologically? would they ever consider that? I lied to him that I've grown fatter then he could ever imagined. I weighted 56 Kg here and I'm loving it. what's with the advice? he said not to be too fat cause it's not nice. ouh God...he is literally insulting the bigger people. another side is begging for love, I'm getting sick of a guy who keeps pushing me to be her future wife. There I'd said it. I'm tired of playing his games no matter how love poems or prose he gave to me. It does sound romantic but trust me, if you were in my place, you don't feel any romantic at all. while my sister is literally asking for me to search on my own. I guess, the policy of arranged marriage in my family is over. no one does that anymore. some of friends are getting married and most of my friends are married. do I feel depressed? a bit but not much. I'd lied if I din't, did I? but when it comes to wedding expenses and the D-day, I started to get nervous for some reasons. perhaps I'm dreaming of a perfect wedding, which is kinda impossible to plan. I'm thinking of a simple wedding yet meaningful and elegant. but, yea I hope I'm not that one of future bridezilla.haha

 so, I'm currently in a situation where I don't really know what my love story would be. I don't want turn out to be desperate but please, let me just find my own happy ending. cause I believe in it.