new month buzz

I thought my legs have been paralysed. I’ve been driving 12 hours from Muar to Kota Bharu and Kota Bharu to Muar and decided to back on track on jogging (which I know it was a mistake) after almost a decade I stopped jogging. I stopped right after I got posted cause I couldn’t find a perfect place for jogging (which now I know but it’s quite far from my house) and it wasn’t the same like in Lakeview. I miss Ipoh a lot. Shiron would know how I missed Ipoh. I miss the place and the view. The view of green hill from my apartment was amaaaazing. I always looked at it and I knew when I said “I’m gonna miss this view” because now, I’m totally missing it. so now back to my ‘paralysed’ legs which now isn’t that paralysed anymore. I feel much better. Fact, I feel fit. I was gonna healthy but I didn’t know how ‘healthy’ could relate to what I’m going to say but, I felt like my whole muscle in my body is working pretty good. though one-two days after jogging I almost felt like my muscles were going to ripped apart or exploded but it turned out it extracted back from the stretch. I felt like my muscles are rebuilding its part by itself (macam over sangat la pulak)

Anyway, back to how I could drive 12 hours straight from Muar, I guess there were two elements that motivate to go home.

Guts. Instinct.

So one achievement unlocked, I want to find another challenges. Come what may, remember?

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The downfall

I guess I’ll never find anybody. It’s difficult. By this time, I’m so sick of the typicality shown by men. Goshh they are so silly and confusing. They don’t know how to read between the lines. They seems didn’t care at all. All they want just a pretty face with a pretty body. Stupid right? I guess I’ll never fit in through a relationship after all because it tires me out. You know, being all care while he didn’t care at all. Being all taking of his heart while he didn’t care at all. It got me thinking, my life is a bit simpler without him. I don’t need to overthink of what he thinks about me. yes, something has happened. I can’t live with a guy who makes me feel horrible. He never fit in, I never fit in. I mean, I can pretended that I am cool about it but I can’t keep pretending til I get married. You can’t pretend of who you are. If you were wrong then you are wrong. If it’s my fault then I apologize but I find it unfair for me to say okay if he did something that’s just really pissed me off. It’s unforgivable. You should know your own stand. 

You should learn her.

our communication is fragile once we go this far. We have gone far I know but I better quit before it crumble. Prevent is better than cure am I right? If this relationship is going nowhere, I don’t wanna make an effort anymore. It tires me. I mean, what’s the point? There’s a reason why I accepted him in my life. I could see future with him. I could imagine it. but he ruined it. I know he is afraid to go further but did he think that I’m brave enough? I can’t keep up like this. He isn’t being serious about it. I think he better find someone else. I don’t wanna keep playing a guess game anymore.  He was the one who gave me expectation but he was the one who destroyed it. he had no idea how hard I worked last week just to meet him.

“We have so much in common but yet so different kan?” 

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What if you haven’t known me that well? What if what you thought wasn’t the same as I thought? What if you thought I didn’t like you but I like you instead? What if you would like to reclaim my heart? What if you would see me in another perspective?

I would show you.

Show you how strong I am. How brave I am. How independent I am. How poise I am. How sufficient I am.

I hope you would glance back at the past and see what you have let go. And you would regret it.

You would.