Octover

“She doesn’t know what’s going on her mind either. Sometimes it’s spinning non-stop and then it stop. She just only wished for a happy ending. She wanted to write her own happy ending because all of her life that she’s been going through right now would always shed her into tears. She only wished for a happy ending. It’s her, all alone. it’s her, in the end. All was left, was her.”

1. shades of grey, Ellie Goulding, Gone Girl and Lang Leav

I've been addicted to 50 shades of Grey soundtracks lately especially song by Ellie Goulding 'Love me like you you do'. most of the songs are super sexy. I guess it's because the movie is pretty obvious right. the temptation of wanting to watch 50 shades of Grey crosses my mind every time I listen to this song. I couldn't help myself but want to think about the movie..though I heard and read some of reviews from it are quite unpleasant and not encouraged to watch but, since it came from book, I couldn't stop myself. I'm a freaking book-chaser. I have/got to know the story. when I read books that are movie-tied, I like to read the book first then, watch the movie. then started to review it and evaluate them. Example like Gone Girl. Gone Girl book is aweeeeesome. the movie as well. Ben Affleck did a very good job in portraying Nick Dunne's character.

now back to 50 Shades of Grey. I just want to know how that rich elite guy could possibly fall in love with a decent girl. you know in my perspective, it just talking about the pure and innocent love (now I feel like a real imaginative girl, blerghhh) I did come across the book whenever I stroll myself in the bookstore but those time, it never got me interested. fact, the book is freaking thick and hell expensive. I mean, Lang Leav books are crazy expensive as well but, let's face it, she's a poetry goddess. Her words are gold.

2.I am more of what you think I might me.

Sometimes when I keep quiet when some people talk a lot like they own the world is just because I look at them as dumb people who wanna win no matter what. Have you heard? That dumbest people are the people who talk a lot because they want to convince themselves too when they talk loudly. That’s why people say, the more you talk, the more dumb you look. And which is why, being decent is modest. In fact, you didn’t sell your stupidity for free. I don’t talk alone unless I know and I trust that person. Trusting means I already know their personalities and by identifying their personalities I would match up with mine so that they wouldn’t simply sell my stories, beliefs or opinions because mine are not cheap.
3. Every man for himself.

It’s like this week has been a really long week. I hadn’t lost my voice for teaching but I lose my strength to keep on going what I do. This week is an examination week, Wednesday and Thursday, I went to PPD for Linus related. And that was where I started to lose my strength again. Because we you do works outside from school, you don’t deal with kids’ problem or their characters but, outside, you had to deal with other people’s pickiness and you had no choice but to follow orders as they said. Especially when they know you’re still freshie, they tend to do depend on their moods and I hate to be in this situation to be honest I tell you. because obviously, freshie has a right too. I know I can’t simply follow their orders all the time, I hate to rebel. Just when I started to feel it isn’t fair for me then I started to speak out. But as long as they have the logic, then I would gladly do my job.  I’m the type of a person that doesn’t complain much when I have to do some works because it’s my works. I don’t give a fuck what they would say to some works are ridiculous as long as I do my job, I don’t care. As long as I complete my job, I got no time for complain. But sometimes, there are times when you think life is so unfair and people are so merciless and this week, I think that the Linus officer in PPD was merciless, bitchy and all related to that. I had to go back three times back and forth from that place to my school. But I know, some of it were my fault cause I didn’t double check my work. And I didn’t want to put the blame on me hundred percent. Those Linus works, I had to do it by myself all alone. just imagine, two classes from year 1 and year3, I had to do the works to all three core subjects, Maths, English and Bahasa. I’m a freaking Coordinator for Linus which this job is only suitable for veteran teachers. I didn’t know what has gone into PK’s mind when he decided to give me that job. Stupid right?

 works in school has been so fucking crazy I can't even breathe. I gotta cramp all my works and complete it no matter what because my soulsister is coming to town this upcoming week and I CAN'T WAIT to get out from this hell hole. I hate this place right now.