As I'm telling myself over and over again that it's okay to feel scare of the future. I was scared of what future may brings. You should know that each and every year I always feel worry of what the next year may represent. I know it's gonna be wrapped in confusion, hesitation, full of doubt and other pessimist sides. I know I'd always tell myself that I'm okay with it, I'm fine. I just wanna go with the flow but sometimes the waves keep haunting me and caught me in the middle making me scare to swim further. looking at how gorgeous wedding dress is, how beautiful the family is, how tender and adorable the kids are, how sweet the couple is, how a father would wipe his kid's mouth, how you would stroll a stroller across the shopping complex or how you would carry a cute baby in your hands, I have thought about that but I wish I didn't have this sort of feeling of running from all those things. do you know how I feel right now? I want all those things but at the same time I kept running from it. I want it but I'm afraid to walk across it. which is why I am more comfortable of being a watcher. Just watch the happiness from afar. the happiness that I'm yet didn't dare to touch it.
It's insane how deep my thoughts about this. I'm not chasing for a perfection but, this is exactly what I'm afraid of. they said they won't chase for a perfection but yet they keep worrying how people would perceive their life, keep portraying how good their life is, keep uploading their photos in Facebook waiting to be commented and thousand likes. I don't live my life like that. I mean, I could connect my instagram via facebook, linked my blog with facebook, link my status with facebook, upload photos each and every minutes, update status each and every minute, locate your destination each and every minute in Facebook (generally speaking) I could but I refused to do so. Because I don't bargain my life for comments and likes. haven't you realized? Facebook has gone public. There's no privacy in it anymore. I guess the purpose matters.
and this is exactly how I perceive things.
2 comments:
you always amaze me when it comes to happiness. you have a strong sense of self, which means, you stick to your principles and if people have problems with it, they just have to walk away, and you are fine with it, (probably not all the times) but still, i am just amazed of how content you are with your life now. with the things you have. you don't even want to be like the 'normal' people. good shidah.. :)
Hadza min fadhli rabbi..thank you for a such a heartwarming comment am. :')
Post a Comment