self confidence

seems like july is a long month. i think ive been staying in july for more than a month. time moves really fast wish i had a fast forward button and stand in that moment. ive been struggling with self confidence lately. well, not lately, but since i bought new spectacles. you know how people wearing big frame these days, bigger than their faces. that kinda frame. so i bought for myself. its pretty affordable tho i know how wrong i was to buy thing i dont necessarily need at this moment and esp i already had one. i have three spectacles now. four if i hadnt lost back in the holidays.

sometimes its easy to motivate someone and said they need to be confidence in whatever they wearing or say. or to just embrace themselves. but when it comes to you, you struggle. one thing that i realized that i'm scared to be out of my comfort zone. im scared of what people are going to say about me in this case, if im wearing a big spectacles frame. i mean, i thought i already passed that when i was in maktab. you know, peer pressure. this isnt just about the spectacles. it makes me realized one thing, it makes me realized how insure i am about myself.

i thought i was a confident person.

at least, that i knew i was.

i took a lott of selfies wearing that spectacles and send it to some of my friends and nieces. some said i look nice, some said too big. i dont know why i have to be concerned on what they think. i always stand upon their points. sometimes i do. i think a lot about other people opinion and didnt put myself first. i mean, if i think i look pretty or nice wearing that i mean, i shouldve ignored of what other people are gonna say right? the most ridiculous thing that im thinking right now is that im scared of what my kids at school are gonna comment about me wearing different style of spectacles. im a role model to them, of course i wanna look nice. which is why ive been staring at my selfies so many times simply to convince myself that i look nice.

now for now, ive decided that i took a role on each of my spectacles that i have. one is for home, one is for work and the new one is for outing. so that's it. wait til i have enough confidence to rock it that big frame to school.

-rushy