to all the boys ive loved before

never thought that it happened. i thought it only happened in a movie when your ex wanted you back and to rewind back to the way it was. when you ex wanted to be your "friends". oh dear, its a shame because i dont deal with exes. i burn their ashes and give it to Poseidon. i held my head high and explained to him that time couldnt be reversed. there's a reason why its called the past. i'm glad he took it well. for once in my life, i was calm and collected when i explained to him, even his response didnt give me any heartache. i mean, how amazing it is to finally realize that your heart doesnt ache for a person who broke you anymore. i finally able to shrug off from my mind, carry on life as it is and focus on only what matters.

its crazy and weird how my life has been. last two years, i cried over a guy that broke my heart. i was shattered into pieces, my life felt like shit. i laid on the floor like a hopeless person it affected my health. i didnt eat, didn't sleep, listed to all the same shit sad songs til i fell asleep. and when i talked about it in front of my best friends, i cried like a baby. it was embarrassing. i thought i was hopeless in love. i thought i would never find a person that loves me anymore after that. i totally shut myself out on love and marriage. i focus on myself and did things i never did. i did something out of my comfort zone. i traveled to places ive never been before.

and most importantly, i invested time on myself. i improve on myself. i do things i always wanted to do without thinking and sobbing how useless i am when it comes to love or how vulnerable i am when it comes to loving someone.

after all these times,

to the boy who had me had a crush on him during high school
to the boy who broke my heart my heart and left me in pieces
to the boy who came crawl at me again once he realized he never find a person like me
to my lovely childhood friend who makes me heart beats so fast

to all these boys,

it turned out i was never yours to keep.
and it something that help me grow
learning about love and how to love someone, how to appreciate someone.
how to appreciate the moment that comes

and i wanna thank to all of them.


always and love,
rushy