mars perspective

its already august and i think ive learned a lot this year. not about myself but mostly about a relationship. i know ive come passed relationship after relationship but, one thing that i realized.

i dont understand much about men.
it took me 27 years to really understand how men thinks and i do need to say, men are from mars women from venus book from john gray, it really helps a lot.

i try to be more understanding in this case. i mean, i try to. you know, before this, my whole is only evolve around me. just me and my world. when there's somebody craving for affection, i was like, unresponsive to it. i dont know what to do. i just care about myself and my feelings. i forgot that men also human beings and they also need attentions and emotional needs. i dont know, it just sounds weird when i read that men also need to have emotional support but at the end of the day, i try to understand it.

i'm still learning. towards that. towards giving my affection and love but, its hard. i think it makes me difficult to share all the love that i have in me because im self sufficient. i'm selfish and stingy when it comes to affection. probably because in my family, my family taught me tough love. you dont show much your affections and feelings when you love someone but you know they love you without having to say it.

i'm learning to be more open and acceptance towards those affection. im trying to be more forgiven and try to brush it off if something happen. i want this to work out this time. i dont know what makes me feel like it but i dont wanna give up now. its too early. i have come a long way. we have come a long way. all this while i thought that men should be more understanding in this case by understand about women's feelings but sometimes i do feel, i rarely put myself in their situations. in men's perspective..

i think its because i have this sort of like judgmental against men which i dont really like it til to certain point where i feel like, there's no need for me to entertain them with my feelings. probably because ive been living alone, independently, i need to be strong for myself, i dont crave for affections. it makes me hard headed and stubborn when it comes to expressing love.

i dont do "i love you, i miss you.." kinda stuff. but i appreciate when people say that to me.

giving this chances to improve in my perspective of relationship, im grateful for it. even if its not working out, i always learn something new in this.