and both are nothing wrong about that. being a woman full with complicated emotions, you can't blame yourself for that. i tweeted so many wisdom words lately coming from my own experiences throughout my current relationship that i have now.
not enough attention, you lose her. too much attention, you lose her too. there's no right method for this but the right man will keep you at best.
it's very hard actually to receive a constant love, constant care from others. that's why it is important to love yourself first.
i hate it how men get this concept where they would have died for a person before she wasn't interested in him, he would swim and cross seven seas for her but once the feeling is mutual, he simply ignored all the efforts that he made before.
it's very hard to find a man that won't stop wanting to get to know you, to learn you, to study you. he's simply got, bored.
i have planned out my life pretty well through out the days and years to come. i dont want to ruin in over a man that don't understand. that would be a crazy gamble for me. its a high risk..
thats why for now, i am far comfortable for us to sit here, be in this together but talking about marriage? i'm still contemplating about it.
Saturday, September 15, 2018
Friday, September 14, 2018
spamming pictures here
these are some of my favs
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| this is such a lovely hotel. me and ima (my housemate) stayed in this hotel for 5 days course in bandar tenggara. but we just stayed in this superior bedroom for a night cause there's some issue regarding our stay here. but overall i really love it. |
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| kak daya gave me ariani shawl as a present. i taught her kid, aqil since he was 5 years old so yea..and this is probably first expensive shawl i ever received and made me fell in love it with straight away |
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| shopping haul with ma girls |
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| my favorite lepak place at coffee cream. i rarely go there now cause the people are too much. too noisy cant even get peace in mind |
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| dinner |
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| vanilla oreo frappe at coffee bean |
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| brunch |
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| at lavender farm, cameron highlands |
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| a little gift for my boyfie (can i call him that? boyfriend.lol) |
Friday, September 7, 2018
wildfire
maybe its a good thing for me to go on a day trip to cameron highlands this weekend. i couldnt even think of what to eat lately. my appetite has been so huge. i blame the period but still, i'm like hungry all the time. the trip doesnt excite me much because ive been there like since i was a kid, then went there again with my friends, went there again with my family and now with kak ecah and tina. but like i said, maybe its a good thing to take a fresh air for a bit, strolling down to strawberry farm and lavender.
something scares me lately. emotionally thinking, ive never love a person so fiercely like this before.
my love is like a wildfire that burns the whole forest.
just to light up his world and keep him warm.
it scares me to loving this person so fiercely
have you ever think like you love this person so much, you like him too much until to the point that it worries you? worry that he might be a douche-bag like you've encountered before or worry that both of you might not end up together. you love every pieces of him til it scares you to let him go. you couldn't imagine yourself to be in this world without him. thinking that, if i lose this person, what would i do? out of this 7 billion people in the world?
i need to stay grounded and pull myself together. i cannot simply give my all. half of me should be kept, just in case. i need to come to my senses that, to live for me. God, if this love is too much, let it go half of it and let me cherish it for myself.
love,
rushy
something scares me lately. emotionally thinking, ive never love a person so fiercely like this before.
my love is like a wildfire that burns the whole forest.
just to light up his world and keep him warm.
it scares me to loving this person so fiercely
have you ever think like you love this person so much, you like him too much until to the point that it worries you? worry that he might be a douche-bag like you've encountered before or worry that both of you might not end up together. you love every pieces of him til it scares you to let him go. you couldn't imagine yourself to be in this world without him. thinking that, if i lose this person, what would i do? out of this 7 billion people in the world?
i need to stay grounded and pull myself together. i cannot simply give my all. half of me should be kept, just in case. i need to come to my senses that, to live for me. God, if this love is too much, let it go half of it and let me cherish it for myself.
love,
rushy
Saturday, September 1, 2018
high people and logic of a shopaholic
so many things to update. i just got back from 5 days course in the middle of nowhere. i just really hate having a course at that place. its just keeps giving me nightmare, but thank god i paired up with amazing people. so a hell turned into such an amazing experience.
after coming from 5 days course, its just really feel so good to be back home and see your bed. i mean, of course i enjoyed my stay in the most amazing hotel and i looove their hospitality but, nothing feels like home.
but all i could say that a week of a course with those people really open my eyes. makes me even more motivated to teach the kids, to finally feel so lucky to be part of the educators. i could say i improved on my emotional state whereby everything can be great if you be positive about it. i havent had a good laughter for a long time and meeting those people really make my life beautiful. cant you imagine we couldnt stop laughing since the first day of ice breaking until the last day. it was quite amazing on how fast we bonded. yesterday we were all like sad to leave because i know, its very hard to meet those easy going people in the course. especially the course where you have to read a lot, pay attention a lot and of course, its going to be boring and dry if the participants are like so serious all the time.
we took opportunity to take a stroll around ioi mall in kulai. its nothing much but okay la. managed to meet azrai along the way. there's actually some of the things that i like being in a long distance relationship but there are also certain things i hate. which is we cant talk much, time is limited. we cant celebrated much of things we wanted esp let say, i wanted to celebrate his birthday. its distance and time constraint that keep us apart. but there's a beauty of it. when you stay far from each other, you tend to appreciate each other when you meet. the feeling of overwhelming happiness when we look at each other' faces and smiles.
we had so much laugh that night. i mean, me, ima, shamani and kak sathia were like bunch of high people walking the street at night. because we were tired but seeing each other walking like drunk people got me laughing so hard. because we know we tired after the course but still wanted to enjoy ourselves that night. it was a memorable night ever for me. i feel young again. finally hahaha
on the way back, we stopped by at jpo. i finally realized that i always tend to my lose myself when i look at those shops. its just like going on a candy store seriously. there are just so many things i wanna buy. i mean, damn. as much as i really hate to say this but i guess, i'm a shopaholic. my best friend already told me that i'm that kind of person but, i tried to deny it because i think i only buy necessary things but then i realized, people dont buy more than 3 shower gels for necessary.
i still have a blouse with a price tag on it.
bought another blouse yesterday.
new flat shoes
some bath n body works products
body shop
victoria's secret
i bought tangle teezer that costed me rm100. its a hairbrush by the way.
my best friend said i spend my money carelessly where some people try to hard to limit their budget in daily life. i feel horrible when she said that but still, its not easy you know. she said i had to stop being so obsessed over branded stuff but honestly for me, i just dont look at the brand. i look at the quality of it. you know, one thing about shopaholic person is you should know, we always give logically reasons and excuse when we want to buy things.
after coming from 5 days course, its just really feel so good to be back home and see your bed. i mean, of course i enjoyed my stay in the most amazing hotel and i looove their hospitality but, nothing feels like home.
but all i could say that a week of a course with those people really open my eyes. makes me even more motivated to teach the kids, to finally feel so lucky to be part of the educators. i could say i improved on my emotional state whereby everything can be great if you be positive about it. i havent had a good laughter for a long time and meeting those people really make my life beautiful. cant you imagine we couldnt stop laughing since the first day of ice breaking until the last day. it was quite amazing on how fast we bonded. yesterday we were all like sad to leave because i know, its very hard to meet those easy going people in the course. especially the course where you have to read a lot, pay attention a lot and of course, its going to be boring and dry if the participants are like so serious all the time.
we took opportunity to take a stroll around ioi mall in kulai. its nothing much but okay la. managed to meet azrai along the way. there's actually some of the things that i like being in a long distance relationship but there are also certain things i hate. which is we cant talk much, time is limited. we cant celebrated much of things we wanted esp let say, i wanted to celebrate his birthday. its distance and time constraint that keep us apart. but there's a beauty of it. when you stay far from each other, you tend to appreciate each other when you meet. the feeling of overwhelming happiness when we look at each other' faces and smiles.
we had so much laugh that night. i mean, me, ima, shamani and kak sathia were like bunch of high people walking the street at night. because we were tired but seeing each other walking like drunk people got me laughing so hard. because we know we tired after the course but still wanted to enjoy ourselves that night. it was a memorable night ever for me. i feel young again. finally hahaha
on the way back, we stopped by at jpo. i finally realized that i always tend to my lose myself when i look at those shops. its just like going on a candy store seriously. there are just so many things i wanna buy. i mean, damn. as much as i really hate to say this but i guess, i'm a shopaholic. my best friend already told me that i'm that kind of person but, i tried to deny it because i think i only buy necessary things but then i realized, people dont buy more than 3 shower gels for necessary.
i still have a blouse with a price tag on it.
bought another blouse yesterday.
new flat shoes
some bath n body works products
body shop
victoria's secret
i bought tangle teezer that costed me rm100. its a hairbrush by the way.
my best friend said i spend my money carelessly where some people try to hard to limit their budget in daily life. i feel horrible when she said that but still, its not easy you know. she said i had to stop being so obsessed over branded stuff but honestly for me, i just dont look at the brand. i look at the quality of it. you know, one thing about shopaholic person is you should know, we always give logically reasons and excuse when we want to buy things.
Friday, August 31, 2018
chasing the clouds
i'm just so happy for my niece. she got her acceptance letter and first posting to sarawak. there's nothing to make me feel better than this because i totally understand her position before.she got her stable job a bit late because of the struggle she went through. the world is too competitive for her career. before this, i could see through her whenever she talked about how her friends already married and have stable jobs compared to her, i could see that she's trying so hard to find a good position in her life other than jumping from one job to another. i could see the frustration in her eyes when she shared things like that. she was a kind of girl who never travel far from home and now, seeing her finally going to spread her wings for the first time, makes me wanna cry. and to see how excited she is, i was emotional even more.
i always advice my nephews and her that they need to go far away from their home, go travel anywhere that they can be. because life doesn't mean to stay in one place. open their eyes with a lot of unexpected things.
when i heard the good news, the happiness is like over the top. and nothing can make me happier when i see her happiness.
i told her several times, that there's no certain benchmark in life. i mean, so what if you're married late? so what if you still didnt get a stable job at the age of 30? so what if your life start a bit later than everybody? life is never a competition. its for yourself.
to be able to share her bit of happiness is like chasing clouds you know. its like you enjoy yourself watching the clouds, even though you know you cant reach it, you still feel happy just by looking at it.
i always advice my nephews and her that they need to go far away from their home, go travel anywhere that they can be. because life doesn't mean to stay in one place. open their eyes with a lot of unexpected things.
when i heard the good news, the happiness is like over the top. and nothing can make me happier when i see her happiness.
i told her several times, that there's no certain benchmark in life. i mean, so what if you're married late? so what if you still didnt get a stable job at the age of 30? so what if your life start a bit later than everybody? life is never a competition. its for yourself.
to be able to share her bit of happiness is like chasing clouds you know. its like you enjoy yourself watching the clouds, even though you know you cant reach it, you still feel happy just by looking at it.
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