you and yourself

at the end of the day, all of us want to be happy.
it would be such a waste if I looked back my past with regrets. I wanna do more. still got bunch of list of adventure.

ice-skating, paragliding, bungee jumping, water rafting, and of course, travelling.

I'll do what I wanted to. if they searched for a decent girl then, it's not me. no. I don't wake up beautifully and eat like a princess or walk like a model. I woke with a messy hair, drink juice out of carton box, sleep late, had fun too much, laze too much, eat too much. I don't know why my friends said I'm keep 'shrinking'. I would say that I was unconsciously losing weight, I seriously was. I didn't remember losing appetite but I'm sure hell I wanted eat more. but I did do some light lazy exercise in my bed. some crunch, sit up, bicycle crunch, etc but that were it. I didn't jog much anymore, too lazy. But I had a planning to buy some workout gear. maybe those can wait until I'm stable and by stable I mean, until I get my job haha.

so back in those years I'd be sad and cry over stupid reasons. My maturity level wasn't good back then. but after been independent with family in another place makes me feel stronger every single day. I got to work things out myself on how to fix my feelings when somebody hurt me big time. I took a long time to adapt with those dark feelings but now I guess, my heart feels numb. I didn't hurt anymore. well, it hurts a little bit but it remains back in a place again. I didn't remember to be sad over something. I'm on my own and I'm not fucking clingy.I mean, how much would you trust yourself than somebody else?


 I don't live for other people.

-R