C you on the other side

Confidence isn’t something that you could buy at the store. It’s not something you can touch. It’s not physical. And I think, if they sell confidence at the store like they sell clothes or food, I would buy it. fact, I’m gonna shopped confidence like crazy. I’m gonna buy each and every month and kept it in my closet. I’d kept in my closet and whenever I felt down then I could just open my closet and grab it.

I want confidence to fight against my doubt. If confidence was like a pet I would definitely buy one. And for me doubt is like a cockroach, or rat, or lizard or whatever you wanna call those ugly little beasts. I always have doubt on myself. Feeling like I couldn’t keep score. I couldn’t keep up with what life has to offer me. I was fighting alone with myself. Whenever I wanna make a life decision, I hated when someone says “It’s up to you now.” Cause I’d started to panic and bewildered. And I felt lonely all of the sudden. I know that at the end of the day I could still do it but to start, I would have a conflict with myself.

At first, I thought I couldn’t do it but at the end of the day, people were surprised that I could do it.

My confidence isn’t up to the par. But if you let me to speak in front of the crowded people, I would. If there’s no one who was brave enough to present a project that we did in group, I would definitely offer myself. But as a starter, I didn’t know where I found that courage. There were so many things already happened which I couldn’t believe I could do it. but at the end of the day, I could. Such as:

1.      Backpack travel to Medan, Indonesia (with travel partner, Miss Shahida Aziz)

2.      Completed my TESL Degree.

3.      Achieved SPM with flying colours.

4.      Play a guitar.

5.      Roller Blade.

6.      Swim (now I’m not sure whether I still remember it or not, it’s been ages.)

I guess, the things that you did, came from within. He whispers to your heart that you could do it as long as you hold to His will. I bet my whole life for Allah. My works, my life, my survival. He has brought me the impossible to possible. He makes me to keep moving. Allah is everything you know. I couldn’t live without Him. So now I think, what has brought me into this, is Allah..And of course, because of my parents’ blessing. If not, I did not know what happened to me today. Alhamdulillah..

So now, I have another goal yet to be scored. And may Allah eases everything, insyaAllah Amin..

Goals before 30:

1.      Own a car.

2.      Get Master on TESL.

3.      Get married.

There are maybe not a lot but those three already big challenge for me to achieved esp the third one.

Wish me luck, will you?