It’s a beautiful beautiful war.

And I guess I should enjoy my life a little more. And perhaps there’s actually more to life rather than thinking who’s going to accompany you in the next ten years. Who’s gonna stay and who’s gonna leave. But perhaps I don’t really care all of that. I was worried. There came at the times thinking I would ended up alone with my ten cats but, I guess it’s depend on us on how you wanna bring your life. How you want to represent your life. Everything has its own beliefs and perspective in life and so do I. I do strongly believe in Allah’s will but along with that, while waiting for the right one to come, might as well I taste a little of what He offers me, I would. I just got irritated of how much I changed slowly when I started to get to know someone. I get irritated easily when he replied my text a bit late, I overthinking about did he really like me or just a friend. It’s just stuck in my mind. Soon I noticed that I know. Women are created to be this we can’t help it. we need to over care over someone. We’re being overprotective, fussy over little things, asking too much, questions too much, we demand the men to read between the lines, we demand the men to understand between our words. It’s just can’t. we are from different worlds apart. Later I realized, it’s just doesn’t make any sense. I’m tired of questioning myself.

“Enjoy your life more, love will come later.” He said.

I was disappointed, in both ways. Thinking that I was ready or the way he responded. I ate up all of his words. Or perhaps I wasn’t. He made me re-digest of what I wanted to do. My bucketlist, my wishlist, places I wanna visit, things I wanna do. Or maybe he’s right. I should enjoy my life more instead of looking it into only one perspective. Or maybe I was caught in between. I felt like I was standing in a troop, thinking that I was ready. I wanted to be one of those people. Thought that I was prepared with sufficient knowledge of things I should and shouldn’t do. I was ready to set a new setting. I was prepared towards that but he ripped me from the whole arrangement and it all started to make sense again. I’ve gone through that but he made me going through that again and I think I’m wounded. But of all the things that I’ve been through, there are sure things that I won’t forget. Something fresh, something new and I could get going through that again apart from the bitterness. Happiness followed afterwards. It just did. You can’t deny it. I can’t deny it. It’s a beautiful war.

Life is a beautiful war.

May Allah make me stronger.

:’)