expect nothing less, learn nothing less

I guess I have learn one thing, 

Expect less. 

I guess I've been expecting so much in life until I was blinded by the things in front of me. I want to do more til I get frustrated for not being able of doing it. 

I've been planning on updating my blog but I gotta tell you honestly I was facing with the verge of breaking down. 

"I find myself breaking down each time I think about life and my future. To be struggling so much with my current situation. "

I've been struggling. I don't know why. What sort of things but all I know was I couldn't figure out. sometimes I feel nothing. I could stare at ceiling for hours like I don't have a life at all. I seemed unsatisfied what Allah has given me and I know that's wrong. I shouldn't feel like that. But as far as I go, I tend to forget what Allah gives me. I expect too much til I just seemed so bothered what has given to me. I learnt how to be unthankful. How ungrateful is that. I seemed to hate what life has planned out for me. I seemed unsatisfied in everything. something just went wrong. but I know at the end of the day I could pick myself again like I do now. You know some of the reasons why I didn't update my blog was because of that. I couldn't bring myself to write and now I think I feel so much better.

You would find me okay when I started to update my blog again. when I started to write again.

I learnt how to be less judgmental. Less observant. 

everything is less now. sometimes I forgot, moderate is the best. I always forgot that I just wanna live moderately like I promised myself before. I don't want to live large. just being able to buy an ice cream and books would be fine to me. I just wanna lead myself with a simple life.  

learn how to be beautiful inside out. I learnt that being beautiful in the outside is not enough. beautiful in the inside is most important at the end of the day. Being beautiful in the outside is just a package.

"There’s always something good coming. Remember that."

I think to live is a struggle. To die is easy. you just get a knife at the kitchen and kill yourself but to live, you just have to be strong. to appreciate life Allah gives to you. If you feel lost, run to Him. 

I've learnt so much about myself lately when I started to realized that I don't have to satisfy anybody. It's just between me and Allah. with this, I was being able to connect with my closest friends since we live far away. of course I feel lonely sometimes but, I found out that my life is less dramatic since I don't have much friends to make a drama for like cat fight, bad mouthing other people. I've learnt that I've been hard on myself. complaining, grumbling. I guess you have to know yourself before you get to know somebody else. the hardest person to love is always yourself. 

but I guess at the end of the day, YOU JUST HAVE TO BE STRONG. I know to live is a struggle. if you're not being able to pick yourself then who else. You is all you got. and you is all you have. Whose gonna struggle for you? nobody but you. I guess you have to remember this. 

Remember why Allah gives a reason for you to live.

Everything heals. Your body heals. Your heart heals. The mind heals. Wounds heal. Your soul repairs itself. Your happiness is always going to come back. Bad times don’t last.

For a wound to heal, you have to clean it out. Again, and again, and again. And this cleaning process stings. The cleaning of a wound hurts. Yes. Healing takes so much work. So much persistence. And so much patience. But every process has an end and an appointed term. Your healing will come, God willing. And like all created things, your worldly pain will die.

—	Yasmin Mogahed