tomorrow is another day

teaching kids become and more adventurous. it's like you're preparing yourself for a battle you don't know whether you come back alive, wounded or dead. they can make or break your day. and my life with kids are getting worse. I just don't find them cute anymore. I don't really fond of them when all they do just asking the same questions and keep doing the same mistakes. I know this sounds like a selfish thought but, yeah I guess I'm not really fit in with their world for a long period. I don't believe that I will stuck at school forever. I guess this job isn't really suitable for me. I don't know how to manage my class properly. I don't know where it went wrong but I know that it's not their mistakes. Its all on me. this two weeks are like been riding into a ship facing with a giant wave. the speed bump was huge I'm afraid I would drown at anytime. I am helplessly seeking for my passion back. I don't know where it went but it seems like its been spirited off somewhere. it's been weird weeks I tell you.

and my recovery from the break-up still in progress. It's hard to let it all just pass when you try to reach them back. hoping to keep at least the last bits of the memories.

there's actually one thing that I always passionate about is to learn the language itself. I know my cgpa is nothing much to be proud of but it's not that I'm chasing for the recognition but, I just want to learn. I realize that I am more interested in learning English itself. The grammar, the linguistics, the acquisition. I wanted to explore more about this despite on focusing on the language and apply it in the classroom. it doesn't really work out well for me when you are the only one who passionate about the language while your students don't really give a damn about it. I know my grammar of English isn't really that excellent but if you asked me why tesl is simply because I like it. I feel in love with a language. not because it sounds so modern whatsoever but that's probably one of the things that I passionate about. is to learn the language. to learn more detail about it instead of going in to class and tell to the kids how importance of this language when you're going to ask for a job in the future.

teachings kids is fun if you wanted to diverse into their world for a bit. But make sure that you're not drowning into their worlds because they have the potential to suck you into their black hole where you could get different types of stresses. there, you would be lost. it will be hard for you to find your way back home. they said I overthinking a lot and advice me not to think too much about it. but how could I ever stop thinking when my students are keep doing the same mistakes? how could I ever pretend not to care when they are supposed to learn as much as they can?

it's not like I hate all of them. I'm just so upset with the excellent class that I teach. with a stupid, barbaric, impolite behaviors like that. They know that they are not going anywhere with this. I don't know maybe I just got carried away and overthinking about it too much. I just hope that it will all get better.

tomorrow is another day

it's my new mantra

Tomorrow is another day