if I ever get back on dating again, I'd be honest. I would say, "I got no more savings for marriage. I had spent it all for my Australia Trip." and I won't be surprised if he didn't text me back cause I have expected that. Who wanted marry a person who got no savings for marriage nowadays? we speak money more we ever could these day. people now are materialistic than ever. least people would accept a person without money, out of love. Love is important but logically, money wins. in every situation. it's not like I didn't save it. I had more than enough last year when I thought I was getting close to marriage. I got more than enough. It's sufficient to have a decent wedding. but when I started to see the change of his heart, I decided to break us up and I ended up spent almost half of my saving for travel trip. One of the thing what 'break up' has got me into. and I didn't regret it. Still, it's hard to start over the saving. I'm gonna start over. I have to. I got no choice. but in this day and age, I got nothing to lose anymore. this is more than just enough. I have a good life. I spent all my marriage saving for travel trip I'm not ashamed saying that, why would I? my life is getting better. I'm picking up the pieces that have been broken by him.
Ramadhan is almost over. I gotta be honest here. I'm not being real good this Ramadhan. when I think back, I though 'what the hell am I doing with Ramadhan this year?' wasted. gone wasted. I have to step up my game. get real strong on every obstacles that I went through. I prayed tarawih at home mostly (cause I feel bad for mak if I leave her at home), my mom isn't strong enough anymore. but still, not good enough. I always go and pray at masjid for tarawih like almost every year but this time, looking at mom's condition. I have to change my routine and let my father go.
it's June already. I spent two weeks at home with my families and the qualities time, well spent. but one thing you should know about people like me. we who likes to jump from a flight to another. always on the run and find places we wanna go, have the symptom where we feel we don' belong anywhere. either here nor there. it's probably because of the post-travel. like you're having confusion in your head when you feel you don't belong even if you're with your family. I'm not saying it's a worse case, It takes time to adjust. cause I work at another place, I spent most of my holidays travelling somewhere I didn't often come back to my hometown. when I'm home, it doesn't feel like home in a first place. it's awkward. to adjust back the places that you have been. once you go out, I mean physically out from your born country, try new food, new place, new scenery. it's not only the places you visit and the money exchange you used, your mentality would change too. that's the change you get once you're out from your own country several times. Your perspectives changed. you don't see the world like you used to see before. and when it changed, not all people would accept your opinion and thoughts.
it's a domino effect. once your mentality has changed, every thing that you do is different than the rest. your attitude, your behavior, your personality. let me give a simple theory. before this, you like to throw a rubbish on the floor or any place, you just don't care. but when you traveled and you saw people in another country would pick up rubbish on the road tho it doesn't belong to them. you became civic-minded. when you came home, you practiced that, you keep the rubbish in your bag, wait until you found a garbage can, and people around you wondering why you do that. simply because, you altered the practice from what you'd received when you were young. there's nothing wrong with alteration. especially, when you're changing from good to something even better. as long as it doesn't clash with your religion and belief.
be that kind of person.
-to be continued
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