trust me, you wouldn't want to be in my place right now. 

this year is not a good year for me. I had terrible months adjusting with expectation of faith, fate and destiny. so many bad lucks, so many terrible things keep on happening to me and I couldn't afford to embrace any of it. nothing seems to work out really well.

my car broke down.
I had to face another break up in a relationship which I'm sure it doesn't even exist.
another heartbreak.

today, I got a call from my sister, notify me about my mom. she's in the hospital. warded. I couldn't help but to choke in tears. Now I feel restless, dizzy and tired. I called so many of them. just checking them up and asking about my mom's condition. 

I don't live in these kind of moments. its bitter.

I miss last year. Last year was a helluva year. I wish I could turn back time and repeat. and live for that year.

it's already March and I'm still afraid to more months to come. a lot of sudden surprises. which I don't really like. just like today for example. no wonder the food feel tasteless this few days. I miss my family. I just wrote a journal this morning about how I miss my family..about how I just wanna sit close to them. especially my mom.

its like I haven't done enough for her.