phases

it's happening again. it's like i'm going thru the phases again. i feel like ive been through this before. i woke up this morning, feeling so unsure about my feelings and emotions and it gets me so sad. it seems like distance has grew us further apart. i hate it. ive been through this phases before and im scared because i know how this is gonna end. maybe i wasnt meant to fall in love with anyone, maybe its just not them. i guess when we feel like we already convinced that we are going to have each other for sure, we tend to take things for granted and we dont appreciate each other that much anymore.

phase 1 - is where the feeling of excitement comes in, he called every single day, every single second, he texted you like there's no tomorrow. at this moment, you are not sure about him yet. you completely shut the door and never give the key.

phase 2 - is where you meet him. trust me, first impression and meeting is always the greatest and fun part in relationship. everything is gonna go so well and you're going to remember every single detail of it. you still never fall in.

phase 3- is where everything is good. so good.

phase 4 - is where the usual comes. that phase 1 doesnt happened anymore. you feel like the feelings have changed. something feels like so wrong somewhere but you can't seem to figure it out. at this moment you gonna get scared because you've fallen. you've given the key and don't know how to ask it back from him. meanwhile, him?

silence. things are not going to be the same anymore.

phase 5 - is where the little fights come in. even small stuff could be a fight and you dont talk much anymore. you ignore the calls, the texts. you tried to solve the problem but it didnt work. somehow, you hold unspoken feelings to each other, you keep it inside because you want to avoid any fights. but it just get worse each and every day and you seem tired every of it. there's no excitement anymore, there's no such things anymore.

phase 6 - is where you decide. whether you wanna stay or leave. its on you now. you are going to determine whether you want to continue the relationship or not.

phase 7 - you know where this is going.


so apparently, its not easy to be in a relationship. sometimes you get comfortable to each other, you take each other for granted and i dont want to be in those stages anymore or at least, stage 7. i'm trying so hard right now. but, i dont know what seems to work. the reason why i woke up feeling like crying this morning because im not sure about myself either. im scared that im gonna get through that phases all over again and im so tired of that. last time it was me who decides. now, i'm not sure. it can be me, again. or him