off the grid

The first two weeks were the worst, horrible, depressing weeks that I've ever faced. never knew that the second heartbreak would be sad like this but um..I made it. I managed to get through this, Well, it wasn't that easy. I was literally lying on the floor. crying my heart out. (thank god for not throwing things on the wall) never knew it ripped my whole world apart. 

But, I'm trying to regain back. 

To take charge, to take control of my heart again. 

perhaps, Allah knew. I was stronger than I think.. things are coming back to me. 

Happiness just fall into place again. 

Allah is near so I didn't look far. 

This is just another heartbreak story. 

sure everybody is afraid to even go near this place but that I guess it will make you feel stronger. 

just keeping all the positive thoughts come flooding in my head. honestly, I need to go out there.

 just literally go out, 

take a walk, eat outside. meet someone talk you're comfortable with. 

talk it out and I did. 

It wasn't bad as I thought. 

maybe that's what you do. when you're facing the heartbreak, when you failed the exam, when you're facing depression, when you're getting fat or haven't had a great year..

you start over

you start over again

you flip the new page and start to write it down

new pen

new ink

maybe that's what Taylor Swift always said to us. start to shake it off all the bad things sticking in your head. it wasn't bad after all. To chase away all the things that make you feel sad and negative. and probably one of the things that's just make me satisfy is, I didn't regret the decision that I made. fact, I felt relieved. to stop holding on a man like that. I know what I'm doing so, I knew better. what I wanted. what kind of man that deserve to be with. you don't have to judge. I know what I'm doing. 

I deserve to be happy.

I deserve a relationship that enables me to sleep peacefully at night

I deserve a man who wouldn't second guess of what he wanted

who wouldn't hesitate 

I couldn't be with a guy who wasn't sure what's he's really doing

A man who couldn't stand up for himself wasn't really a man after all

so man up and make your decision

but I don't mind really.

I have made a lot of effort.

turns out it was me after all

who just keep pushing him in into all seriousness

and I'm tired really

to keep pushing on people to put an effort for you while he in the fact that doesn't really trying 

it's just a shame but lesson learned

don't wait too long

but yeah..you can't just standing there hoping there's any any just in case

a miracle happens and he comes back to you and everything start to feel alright again

no

you move on

you find new chances

you explore new experiences

meet new people

things won't be the same and even if it did happen

my feelings to you won't be the same anymore

I simply taking over a new leaf

and start afresh 

honestly I don't know how much times that I've already start over and over and over again

but don't you see what I'm doing?

I don't want to give up

out of love

just because my love towards you doesn't work

I shut all my doors

it's not fair 

at least not fair for myself 

I need to give other people chances

so come whatever or whoever that may

just wait til it fully heal

when everything becomes normal again

when I found my happiness again

when I regain back all my feelings

it will take a month, a year in fact

but doesn't matter.

I am delighted to say that I'm officially off the grid now. 

I'm gonna take my time. I'm gonna allow myself to take all the time she wants. because she deserves it all. 

:)